But I look for the light through the pouring
You know that's a game that I hate to lose
Now I'm feeling the
Aint it a shame?
Oh, give me the beat boys and free
I wanna get lost in your rock and roll
And drift away....
My friend is gone...Lou drifted away Saturday night around 6:30 with his family by his side and the music he loved playing. I was priviledge to be with him Friday and Saturday before he passed and then again after he passed.
Day after day I will remain more confused...why this loss had to come...why Lou... but why any of us?? Why can't they fix this thing...this cancer that degrades our bodies...disjoints our families...leaves us tired, hurting, deperate...and then....gone from those families that have fought so hard to keep us even when they know it isn't fair to try and hang on.
Lou fought a fight like no other...he lived the time he had left on his terms. He enjoyed his days with Amy and his family...he tried to tie up his loose ends...he tried to say the things he needed to say. He did the things he dreamed of doing. He did it all on his terms.... However, this cancer...it leaves families and loved ones in its wake. All of us missing the times we will never have again...missing the love Lou shared so freely.
No matter how ill Lou became he never stop worrying about everyone else. He was a care taker to the the very end. On Friday he asked Len to take care of me and asked me to take care of Amy. He told Amy to be sure I knew that this did not effect me...this did not have any thing to do with my diagnosis...that I would be fine. That he would be watching and if the time comes that I ever have to GIVE in to this unwelcomed visitor I know Lou will be there to welcome me no matter how reluctantly!
Seems like only yesterday Lou began his fight, then Nancy started hers, then me and then Aunt Jackie...now there are three!
I know that I will continue my fight the way Lou did...on my terms...I will remember to share the moments with the ones I love, remember to tell them I love them, show forgiveness freely and live each day like it may be the last!
Please say a pray for Amy and the rest of Lou's family and friends as we say good bye to a wonderful man...a man who has touch my life in ways I can not begin to explain...I will continue to think of him every day and be sorry for the tomorrows we will miss but I am thankful that his pain is over. I will do what he asked of me...I will support Amy and their children through what will prove to be some of the toughest times they can ever imagine.
I will continue to fight my fight and build this foundation for Lou, Nancy, Aunt jackie and all the others just like us that need the help fighting this fight against this VERY unfair opponent...the only way I know how....day by day!
Good night Lou, sleep well, out of pain...know that we all love you and will miss you always...