I was sitting here watching Parenthood...by myself...sobbing. For those of you who do not watch the show...one of the main characters has found out she has breast cancer...she goes in for a lumpectomy and gets the results...that, as usual with cancer....are at best mixed! Clean margins, looks good...however, lymph node positive...aggressive form...see oncology for treatment plan!
Words that so many of us have heard and immediatly bonds you with the others in this "club". Not sure why it is but somehow you just feel bonded! For me, it's as if she is real! I understand that is the point of the show...but it hits home. Brings back the so recent events of my life! My story is only similar, but enough that it causes me to fall apart quietly. The major difference... when you have the time to think about what to say, how to feel, what to do...like in a script...it is different then real ife. When it hits your life like a Mack Truck you keep thinking..."this can't be happening, not to me!" It is such a confusing time...at least for me. Part of me would verbalize that this could be bad...and I had to prepare but the other side of me was still in disbelief! It's like an internal battle...it keeps you from doing or saying certain things that in a script come easier!
So, what did I take away from this show? First, I wish I could have had my story scripted!! I believe I would have done certain things differently given the time to absorb it all, digest it all, see someone else's story first.
The second thing I took away from this was a better understanding of this "club" mentality I have adopted. It is easy to see that you relate...that you understand...that you can read the other person's thoughts with out them saying a word. I knew what she was thinking...about her children, her family...her life...maybe without her! This time it was only a character on a television show...but too many times it is real people.
Hence, the third thing I took away from this show...the reason for this foundation. Yes, it is to help people with financial things, legal stuff, insurance issues and day to day issues...but even MORE...it is about the people!! That bonding that comes from understanding with out having to speak it! This bonding isn't meant to exclude the other people in your life or to diminish the help and love they share with you, the cancer patient...it is just something that can not be explained! It's an inate understanding.
If, through this foundation, I can help others through the challenges that cancer brings to their lives then I have not been sick in vain! I have taken this adversity and turned it around...I have kicked cancer in the teeth and found the silver lining. One of my doctors said to me, when we discussed our developing the foundation...I hate to say anyone becomes ill for a reason...but if you fullfill your dream with this foundation then you brought some thing wonderful and much needed out of a terrible adversity and maybe some things do happen for a reason! I understood what he meant and watching this show tonight I realized even more how important this foundation is to me...and to my being able to live with the fact that I could have possibly become a statistic!!! Somehow if I can bring something good out of this "thing" then perhaps I can make sense of it all. The "WHY ME??" can be answered for me.
The final thing I took from this show...I wish I had chronicled my story! I wish I had the focus then to have journaled all of it. And now I wonder if it is all still clear enough, if I can look back on the emotion enough to still be able to bring it to paper (or computer). After watching something like this, I believe I can...because the emotions come back in FULL force! I may attempt to do this in the future and my blog followers may just have to put up with my ramblings now and then!
So, I am able to witness, first hand, the benefits that cancer has brought to my life...I am happy to say they are many! Because if you don't find the silver lining, how could anyone go on?? Among the many benefits, is this foundation! I am able to find solace in helping others through what may prove to be their biggest challenge ever! I am blessed to share a bond with them that, with out my own battle, I would be unable to share. So, maybe things do happen for a reason and may be this was something I was meant to do...to fill this void in our society that allows so many people in need fall threw the cracks. The middle income and self employed families batting this unfair disease needed somone to be their voice!! I am honored to represent my myself and all of them through this foundation!
Please consider helping us help all the others battling this disease the only way we can...day by day!